Birra VS Fica
Una birra è sempre bagnata.
La fica va incoraggiata.
* 1 Punto alla birra.
Una birra fa schifo servita calda.
* 1 Punto alla fica.
Una birra ghiacciata ti soddisfa.
* 1 Punto alla birra.
Se ti ritrovi un pelo nei denti bevendo birra,
potresti aver voglia di vomitare.
* 1 Punto alla fica.
Se torni a casa puzzando di birra, tua moglie ti
rimprovera.
Se torni a casa puzzando di fica, tua moglie potrebbe
lasciarti.
* Punteggio pari (punti di vista!:-))
Dieci birre in una notte, e non puoi più guidare.
Dieci fiche in una notte, e non c'e più bisogno di
guidare.
* 1 Punto alla fica.
Compra troppa birra, e diventi grasso,
Compra troppa fica, e diventi povero.
* Punteggio pari.
Se ti fai una birra in un locale affollato, è normale.
Se ti fai una fica in un locale affollato, diventi un
mito.
* 1 Punto alla fica.
Se un poliziotto ti sente addosso puzza di birra,
potrebbe arrestarti.
Se un poliziotto ti sente addosso puzza di figa,
potrebbe offrirti una birra.
* 1 Punto alla fica.
La birra, più è stagionata, meglio è.
* 1 Punto alla birra.
Se ti fai una birra con un preservativo indossato, non
senti la differenza di gusto.
* 1 Punto alla birra.
Tanta birra può farti vedere gli ufo.
Tanta fica può farti vedere Dio.
* 1 Punto alla fica.
Se ti chiedi sempre come sarà la prossima fica, sei
normale.
Se ti chiedi sempre come sarà la prossima birra, sei
alcolizzato.
* 1 Punto alla fica.
Strappare l'etichetta da una bottiglia di birra è
divertente.
Strappare le mutandine da una fica è MOLTO più
divertente.
* 1 Punto alla fica.
Lo stato tassa la birra.
* 1 Punto alla fica.
Se provi a farti una birra durante il lavoro, potresti
essere licenziato.
Se provi a farti una fica durante il lavoro, potresti
essere arrestato con l'accusa di molestie sessuali.
* 1 Punto alla birra.
Se ti cade una birra, potrebbe rompersi.
Se ti cade una fica, potrebbe prenderti a calci in
c*lo come il cane che sei.
* 1 Punto alla birra.
Se cambi birra, potresti amaramente ricordarti del
vecchio sapore.
* 1 Punto alla fica.
La piu bella fica che ti sei mai fatto non è scomparsa
appena te la sei goduta.
* 1 Punto alla fica.
La peggiore fica che ti sei mai fatto non è scomparsa
appena te la sei goduta.
* 1 Punto alla birra.
Se ti fai un'altra birra, la prima non s'incazza.
* 1 Punto alla birra.
Sei sempre sicuro di essere il primo ad "aprire" una
birra.
*1 Punto alla birra.
Se fai agitare una birra, dopo un po' si calma da
sola.
*1 Punto alla birra.
Bionda, rossa, bruna o nera, in qualsiasi momento puoi
scegliere la birra che vuoi.
*1 Punto alla birra.
Di una birra, si sa esattamente al centesimo quanto
verrà a costare.
*1 Punto alla birra.
La birra non si lamenta mai che le cinture di
sicurezza sono troppo strette.
*1 Punto alla birra.
La birra non si lamenta mai se la porti dove vuoi tu.
*1 Punto alla birra.
La birra non ti dice di diventare vegetariano.
*1 Punto alla birra.
La birra non urla per piccolezze come il coperchio del
cesso alzato.
*1 Punto alla birra.
La birra non ha una madre.
*1 Punto alla birra.
La birra non ha un avvocato.
*1 Punto alla birra.
La birra spesso ne sa più di computer di una donna...
*1 Punto alla birra.
La birra non impazzisce una volta al mese.
*1 Punto alla birra.
La birra non ti dice "zitto che svegli i bambini".
*1 Punto alla birra.
La birra non vuole la parità di diritti.
*1 Punto alla birra.
La birra non scapperà mai con la tua carta di credito.
*1 Punto alla birra.
Quando cambi birra, non devi pagare gli alimenti.
*1 Punto alla birra.
Quando prima la guardi, e poi le dici che te la vuoi
fare, la birra non si mette a urlare.
*1 Punto alla birra.
* Punteggio finale: birra batte fica 26 - 13.
p.s. Se sei una donna ed in questo momento mi stai
insultando sappi che una birra non mi avrebbe rotto le
palle se avesse perso questo scontro: un altro punto
alla birra! ;+)[/quote]
[OT al quadrato]Sfida per ridere un pò(non di velivoli)...
[OT al quadrato]Sfida per ridere un pò(non di velivoli)...
Io riesco a ridere...
)
Chuck Norris
Per chi mastica l'inglese (e spero che siate tanti perchè questa fa morire dal ridere):
1.Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
2.Chuck Norris doesnt shave; he kicks himself in the face. The only thing that can cut Chuck Norris is Chuck Norris.
3.Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead decided to punch his way out of his mother's womb. Shortly thereafter he grew a beard.
4.Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.
5.Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
6.Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.
7.Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.
8.Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse. horses are hung like Chuck Norris
9.To prove it isn't that big of a deal to beat cancer. Chuck Norris smoked 15 cartons of cigarettes a day for 2 years and aquired 7 different kinds of cancer only to rid them from his body by flexing for 30 minutes. Beat that, Lance Armstrong.
10.The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
11.Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
12.Chuck Norris won 'Jumanji' without ever saying the word. He simply beat the living daylights out of everything that was thrown at him, and the game forfeited.
13.Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.
14.Chuck Norris was the fourth Wise Man. He brought baby Jesus the gift of "beard". Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day. The other Wisemen, jealous of Jesus' obvious gift favoritism, used their combined influence to have Chuck omitted from the Bible. Shortly after all three died of roundhouse kick related deaths.
15.If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.
16.Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
17.When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes ever.
18.Chuck Norris can make a woman climax by simply pointing at her and saying "booya".
19.Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.
20.Filming on location for Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris brought a stillborn baby lamb back to life by giving it a prolonged beard rub. Shortly after the farm animal sprang back to life and a crowd had gathered, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the animal, breaking its neck, to remind the crew once more that Chuck giveth, and the good Chuck, he taketh away.
21.When Chuck Norris plays Oregon Trail his family does not die from cholera or dysentery, but rather roundhouse kicks to the face. He also requires no wagon, since he carries the oxen, axels, and buffalo meat on his back. He always makes it to Oregon before you.
22.After much debate, President Truman decided to drop the atomic bomb on Hiroshima rather than the alternative of sending Chuck Norris. His reasoning? It was more "humane".
23.Chuck Norris once shot a German plane down with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!"
24.The original theme song to the Transformers was actually "Chuck Norris-more than meets the eye, Chuck Norris-robot in disguise," and starred Chuck Norris as a Texas Ranger who defended the earth from drug-dealing Decepticons and could turn into a pick-up. This was far too much awesome for a single show, however, so it was divided.
25.One of the greatest cover-ups of the last century was the fact that Hitler did not commit suicide in his bunker, but was in fact tea-bagged to death by Chuck Norris.
26.Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull.
27.There are no disabled people. Only people who have met Chuck Norris.
28.When Chuck Norris's wife burned the turkey one Thanksgiving, Chuck said, "Don't worry about it honey," and went into his backyard. He came back five minutes later with a live turkey, ate it whole, and when he threw it up a few seconds later it was fully cooked and came with cranberry sauce. When his wife asked him how he had done it, he gave her a roundhouse kick to the face and said, "Never question Chuck Norris."
29.The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris's fist.
30.If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds till." After you ask, "Two seconds to what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
azz, un pò lunghetta, vabè dai, tanto è OT*OT
1.Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
2.Chuck Norris doesnt shave; he kicks himself in the face. The only thing that can cut Chuck Norris is Chuck Norris.
3.Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead decided to punch his way out of his mother's womb. Shortly thereafter he grew a beard.
4.Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.
5.Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
6.Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.
7.Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.
8.Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse. horses are hung like Chuck Norris
9.To prove it isn't that big of a deal to beat cancer. Chuck Norris smoked 15 cartons of cigarettes a day for 2 years and aquired 7 different kinds of cancer only to rid them from his body by flexing for 30 minutes. Beat that, Lance Armstrong.
10.The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
11.Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
12.Chuck Norris won 'Jumanji' without ever saying the word. He simply beat the living daylights out of everything that was thrown at him, and the game forfeited.
13.Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.
14.Chuck Norris was the fourth Wise Man. He brought baby Jesus the gift of "beard". Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day. The other Wisemen, jealous of Jesus' obvious gift favoritism, used their combined influence to have Chuck omitted from the Bible. Shortly after all three died of roundhouse kick related deaths.
15.If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.
16.Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
17.When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes ever.
18.Chuck Norris can make a woman climax by simply pointing at her and saying "booya".
19.Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.
20.Filming on location for Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris brought a stillborn baby lamb back to life by giving it a prolonged beard rub. Shortly after the farm animal sprang back to life and a crowd had gathered, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the animal, breaking its neck, to remind the crew once more that Chuck giveth, and the good Chuck, he taketh away.
21.When Chuck Norris plays Oregon Trail his family does not die from cholera or dysentery, but rather roundhouse kicks to the face. He also requires no wagon, since he carries the oxen, axels, and buffalo meat on his back. He always makes it to Oregon before you.
22.After much debate, President Truman decided to drop the atomic bomb on Hiroshima rather than the alternative of sending Chuck Norris. His reasoning? It was more "humane".
23.Chuck Norris once shot a German plane down with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!"
24.The original theme song to the Transformers was actually "Chuck Norris-more than meets the eye, Chuck Norris-robot in disguise," and starred Chuck Norris as a Texas Ranger who defended the earth from drug-dealing Decepticons and could turn into a pick-up. This was far too much awesome for a single show, however, so it was divided.
25.One of the greatest cover-ups of the last century was the fact that Hitler did not commit suicide in his bunker, but was in fact tea-bagged to death by Chuck Norris.
26.Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull.
27.There are no disabled people. Only people who have met Chuck Norris.
28.When Chuck Norris's wife burned the turkey one Thanksgiving, Chuck said, "Don't worry about it honey," and went into his backyard. He came back five minutes later with a live turkey, ate it whole, and when he threw it up a few seconds later it was fully cooked and came with cranberry sauce. When his wife asked him how he had done it, he gave her a roundhouse kick to the face and said, "Never question Chuck Norris."
29.The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris's fist.
30.If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds till." After you ask, "Two seconds to what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
azz, un pò lunghetta, vabè dai, tanto è OT*OT
